Power Rangers And the Big Shiny Thing
by Evil Don Jared
Summary: The new generation of basically the same people, watch as there is action, adventure, cheesy dialouge, cheap production values, and sparks!
1. Intro

POWER RANGERS AND THE BIG SHINY THING

Disclaimer: I don't own the Power Rangers, but I own everything else. So don't steal it. Ever.

Our story begins in the small, wholesome, and all-American town of Everyone Is Special Falls. In fact this place was so small all the evil conquerors of the universe _had _to take it over. So now with a particular evil group our story really begins. Lord Sorcerer Zargonafijokowsky wasn't the can-do evil sorcerer, he was sub-par. So of course, like all evil sorcerers he had to pick on little, insignificant Earth. It was like a kid with an AK-47 and an ant pile. Of course, Earth was the kid with the AK-47 and the evil sorcerer was the ant pile. But fortunately for Zargonafijokowsky Earth didn't know how to turn the safety knob on a standard rifle. Zargonafijokowsky was tall and was in a costume so low budget you could see the rubber tearing and also you could see the Jack Daniel's in his right _jean _pocket.

(Cue cheesy Star-Trek picture of the Enterprise. Then cue bom-bom-bom-bom type evil music.) "My Lord how may I serve you?" said Zargonafijokowsky's underling, Fobbs. Fobbs was a paper cut-out of the Chef Boyardee head attached to a Popsicle stick which was then Gorilla glued to a cardboard box which blatantly advertised Pepsi. They spent the most money on _him._ The other lackey was named Ublobba from some far off planet that no one cares about. He was made when a DVR fell into a trash compactor and had an unhappy face drawn on it with a faded Hi-Liter. No one messed with him. "My Lord," Ublobba said, "Earth is coming into sight let's manically laugh and dance in place!" So the villains danced till the take was over, smoked some Marlboro Lights and drove to Scores.

In Everyone Is Special Falls the "teens" (cough, played by +20 year old actors) were doing wholesome teenage things like helping out in the community, eating ice cream, and prancing in the park. For simplicity's sake I will slowly explain them one by one. It's time to show the teens.

THE (racially diverse) TEENS (ALL STEREOTYPES ARE ONLY USED FOR COMEDY PURPOSES AND ARE NOT INTENDED TO HURT ANYONE)

Johnny- The all-American blonde haired jock who is the leader of "the gang"

Francis- The nerd with glasses. Because he has glasses he can calculate pi which for some reason might help them.

Brian- The racially diverse black guy who knows his stuff.

Jessica- The preppy girl. She doesn't want to fight because she might break a nail. Screams and gets captured a lot. Johnny's girlfriend.

Kaya- The foreign exotic girl who is foreign and exotic… That's it.

In the park, frolicking was to the maximum. Jessica was talking to Johnny about increasing their intimacy and gasp, kissing. Brian was playing football with Kaya. And Francis was hacking the Pentagon. Average teen stuff. So average that they were chosen to become the newer Mighty Morphing Power Rangers by none other than Zorbong the giant head that tries pitifully to save Earth for no real apparent reason. They were all walking down the dark alley from the park that led to the local teen hangout that they always spend 5 minutes of every episode in, the Scruemee Place named after its owner Bob Scruemee.

All of the sudden the stagehand pulled the switch and the 4th Of July sparklers on the set turned on in a feeble attempt to make the viewers think that special effects were actually being used. It's a shame they went haywire and set Kaya's hair on fire. "Just go with it!" ordered the director, who was also working at Chile's part-time. So, with the Rangers ready and Kaya's hair slightly smoldering they were transported to some remote, yet close to home, mountain lair. It was here that they met Zorbong and Zeta. I already explained Zorbong, but Zeta is the last prototype of Alpha, Beta etc. he was a Bop-It with a black trucker hat and big googly eyes taped to it with two slinkies also taped for arms and two wooden pegs for legs. He was also voiced by the director speaking in a nasally voice as the show was being taped.

So the Rangers were in the lair, which looked suspiciously like Zargonafijokowsky's spaceship. What an odd coincidence. You see the teens had been Rangers for about 5 years in "show" time and 2 and ½ hours in real time. They were called for an assignment which would be like no other. "Ayayayayayaya! Rayayayayayayayngers! I have an ayayaayayayaysignment for yoayayayaayayyu. It is a dayayayayayayayaangerous oayayayayayyane." Zorbong's head was suspended over the set and the actor was asleep.

"Zzzzz. Uh we're rolling? Ehhm. RANGERS! YOU MUST STOP Zargonafijokowsky FROM DOING MEAN THINGS LIKE PUTTING CATS INTO TREES, NOT REWINDING VIDEO TAPES, AND SELLING CIGARETTES TO MINORS!"

"Let's kick anuses!" yelled Brian, the edgy one.

TO BE CONTINUED… PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. I just can't stop shootin' sparks

POWER RANGERS AND THE BIG SHINY THING

Disclaimer: I don't own the Power Rangers, but I own everything else. So don't steal it. Ever.

Our story continues in the lair of Zorbong, the Rangers were receiving the urgent assignment from Zeta. "Ayayayaayayayayaya! Zargonafijokowsky is trying to take over Earth and has just entered our atmosphere and crashed into some remote place that we can't reach! Yayayayaa!" "We'll take him down," Johnny replied, "To China Town."

(Cue cheesy Star-Trek picture of the Enterprise. Then cue bom-bom-bom-bom type evil music.) "My lord!" said Fobbs, "We are ready to deploy easily defeat able Bad Guy #1!"

Currently Zargonafijokowsky was off stage taking a smoke so he ran onto the stage with a Marlboro in his mouth. "Uhhhh. Yeah deploy the thing" Zargonafijokowsky said.

With the touch of the center piece of a Bratz Bop-It easily defeat able Bad Guy #1 was launched! "Bop-It! Twist it! Pull it! Bop-It! Twist it! Pull it!"

The director quickly pulled out a long line of duct tape and a pencil and then made a zwoowowowowowwo sound as the SFX cheesy beam thing was shooting down.

After the dust cleared there stood Clarnificus! Clarnificus was a huge slab of cabbage with dozens of cheap electronics taped to it and had a face with one wart on it drawn on by the director.

"GRAJJJSHHHHSDJLKJHHHHH!" Clarnificus screamed. He destroyed the miniature town in a shower of badly done SFX and sparks. Lots of sparks. It seems that there were so many sparks the set caught on fire. "Clarnificus isn't on fire," the director said in a Zorbong-esque voice, "He is just powering up!"

"It's morphin' time!" Francis yelled. (Cue theme song) Bownananan diwowoww banananananaananana danananaaaaaaaaaaaaa Power Rangers are morphing! Bananananananananananaan! Powwwwwwwwwwowowowowow… The tape then continued to perpetually slow down and yield an unfortunate agonizing death. And then shot out sparks.

Johnny, Red Ranger! Francis, Blue Ranger! Brian, Black Ranger! Jessica, Pink Ranger! Kaya, Yellow Ranger! After a successful morph they went to patrol the streets to find Clarnificus. After about 3.3 seconds Clarnificus magically appeared! Time for the fight!

The Rangers instantly lashed out with bad kung-fu moves! "Fools! Come to me my minions!" With that Clarnificus summoned the Juddies. Now every Power Rangers Series has some expendables that dance in place so I figure I should have my own. A Juddie is an underpaid stagehand in a jelly bean costume with an unhappy face painted on it. Oh yeah all the stage hands know Shotokan, Pi-Gua, Silat, Jeet Kun Doo, Goju Ru, Mantis, Snake, Kickboxing, and Escrima. It's a shame that they are so easily beaten with bad Kung-Fu. Life goes on.

So the fight scene ensued. Jessica's stunt double was doing double bicycle spinning kicks in mid air while doing Angel's Combo with her hands all while lashing out with her Ranger Power, Spiky Hair! Just then Francis's stunt double did a nose dive through a Juddie and cheap robot parts, jelly, and sparks shot out in all different directions. Ownage.

So the Juddies were all lying on the ground shooting out sparks and Clarnificus was the only one left. "Time for my amazing power!" With that he shot his DUPO BEAM, which was a bottle rocket, and Johnny exploded into a torrential downpour of sparks. SO much shooting was cancelled.

TO BE CONTINUED… PLEASE REVIEW.


End file.
